Under the Stars and Smiling :)

As I write this, I am sitting outside in Mike and Mary's yard leaning against a small tree so I can steal their wireless signal without bothering them on the their day off. I love being outside here... the air is cool and my hoodie is warm. The frogs (or sabos) are singing around the pond, and at the house the voices of kids and Christian pop combine into a joyful remix of music. Jenni, one of guard dogs, just came to investigate my setup... she left after sniffing me twice and licking my face so I guess I am allowed to be here. There is so much life here... it makes you feel alive. 

Today, I woke up with an incredible sense of joy. I felt light as if I had been squat lifting the work load of this place since I got here, but today I finally put the bar down. I felt like myself... I was more goofy with the lil kids...more outgoing in my portuguese conversation with the older girl at lunch, and generally I felt like I could relax. Last week, the older girls made fun of me because all I would do is trablhar (work). Fran walked in front of me as i was cleaning off the table dropping pieces of rice....Taunting me the whole time "Pat-tri-que...un mais, un mais". :) Her joke put me in my place... i have been using my compulsive need for order and clean (thanks mom) and my sense of duty to literally WORK my way into relationships here.. but because I have been doing the dishes and cleaning, and chopping wood, and mowing, an fixing doors I have become more of a Man-servant than a friend to everyone here. But today I took off the butlers uniform and just lived with everyone (rather than working for and around them).

I think their is something the saying "walk a mile in my shoes".  The saying isn't walk next to me for a mile, but walk a mile in MY SHOES. Jesus didn't just run around healing everyone he saw and shouting things about the kingdom of God. Most the time he just sat and ate and chatted with folks. He not only loved the poor and the destitute...he became the poor the destitute. 

I refused to take donations towards my trip to Brazil from any church, friend, or family member because I felt like their money would be better used to pay for food or cloths or toys- rather than for my plan ticket and in flight peanuts. And now that I have been here... I am even more convinced that money is not the answer... it is not enough to even support CLM finically from a distance (although this is needed and great thing)... However, to truly love someone you have know them first.... and to know them you have to know how they live...so live with them. I am not saying don't give to charity, but I am saying that you are missing so much if you love from a distance. Isn't coffee with a friend better than phone call? Isn't sex better than phone sex? Isn't hug of thanks better than a Thank You card three weeks later?Humans need contact... and not the kind facebook provides. We need to touch and be touched and to see others smile and to smile back at them. To interact, to exchange, to give, to take, and repeat. We need to look into the faces of others because that is where you will best see yourself. 

Liberal politicians will make programs and policies to support the poor and right-wing Christians will tithe any % to the causes of the church....but the truest followers of christ... I think... live with the poor and give themselves to cause.  The true revolutions don't just fight for a cause. they become it, right? So why is it so counter intuitive to live like this? If the joy I felt today is the result of these people and this place and this community...why can't I feel the same with my roommates or my coworker. Why do I smile under the stars here....would I be smiling under the stars in Dover...will I be smiling under the stars in Portland this time next year. What is it here that makes live worth living - and can you take you through customs, i wonder?

I feel like i am beginning to understand the routine, the fun, the burdens, and the intense struggle for everyone living here. See the missionaries just don't work for the kids... the live with them. The difference is profound. These people aren't going home to a clean house and Domino's Pizza. They LIVE here. every day...this is their home, and this is how the want to live and it am beginning to think this is the ONLY way to live. They can relax in the knowledge that they have their whole lives to work here so their is no rush. I have been treating this trip so far somewhat like Habitat of Humanity blitz build...that is getting as much done in as little time possible at the expense of all else... but that attitude is draining and actually I now realize counter productive. If I do all my work in the morning when the kids are at school than none of the boys can help me shovel gravel to fill the potholes. None of them get that satisfaction of helping, that time with me (a male figure in their lives).  In past, blog posts I have said that my schedule here is work play, play work....but I am not so sure that is true anymore... I think my schedule is just To Be here. 

And now that I think of it... I don't really want to be sitting against this tree anymore listening to the sounds of life from the house... I want to be in the house. 

So ate logo (see you later), I have some some living to do. 

Gerbs